Restorative Justice Deep Dive Series: Article 1
Restorative Justice Explained:
What It Is, What It Isn’t,
and Why It Matters
Content note: This article discusses restorative justice in the context of interpersonal and sexual harm. Nothing graphic is included.
Why It Can Be Hard to Get a Clear Picture of Restorative Justice
If you’ve been harmed, especially by someone you once trusted, you may have heard about restorative justice (RJ) and felt both curious and unsure. Maybe it sounded like something that could offer clarity or acknowledgment, or like an alternative to the silence and denial you’ve already lived through. But it may also feel unfamiliar, vague, or even risky.
If you’re someone who has caused harm, you may have been invited into a restorative process and worried it will be another form of punishment in disguise — a space where you’ll be shamed or judged, or where you’ll be forced to say things you don’t fully understand yet.
There’s a reason so many people feel unsure. “Restorative justice” is a broad term used to describe many different practices: school-based responses to conflict, criminal legal diversion programs, community accountability efforts, and survivor-led processes outside the system. Each operates within its own constraints, values, and possibilities.
The work I’m describing here draws from the last of these — survivor-led, voluntary restorative processes that don’t engage the criminal legal system, where there is room to slow down, center truth-telling, and follow the human needs of everyone involved. This isn’t “better” than forms practiced in schools or courts. It’s simply different, shaped by the freedom of working outside institutional structures. It’s the kind of work I know intimately, and the one I’m speaking from here.
What follows is my attempt to offer clarity — a grounded, survivor-centered look at what restorative justice really is, and just as importantly, what it isn’t.
What Restorative Justice
Means to Me
Restorative justice is not a single technique or a fixed model. It’s a way of approaching harm that centers agency, presence, relational honesty, and the possibility of repair — if repair is something the person harmed wants.
I don’t believe a single sentence can capture RJ. For me, it is a spirit or orientation: a commitment to creating conditions where truth can be spoken, accountability can be practiced, and people can seek what they need in the aftermath of harm.
For context, the RJ field often contrasts itself with the criminal legal system using three questions developed by Howard Zehr:
The criminal legal system asks:
What law was broken?
Who broke it?
What punishment is deserved?
Restorative justice asks:
Who was harmed?
What do they need?
What obligations arise?
This shift in focus changes everything. It’s not easier. It’s not softer. It’s simply oriented toward people — not punishment.
Clearing Up Common Misunderstandings
Misunderstandings are expected. These clarifications attempt to expand our shared understanding of what restorative work can offer.
RJ Isn’t Mediation
Here’s What Makes It Different
From a distance, RJ can look like mediation: two people, a facilitator, a back-and-forth. But the purpose and structure are fundamentally different.
Mediation is about neutrality, compromise, and meeting in the middle.
Restorative justice is not neutral. It centers the person who was harmed and the impacts they carry. It also honors the needs, fears, and capacities of the person who caused harm.
In RJ, we’re not looking for “middle ground.” We’re looking for:
Truth about what happened
Acknowledgment of impacts
The needs of the person who was harmed
The needs and capacities of the person who caused harm
Genuine accountability
Conditions for emotional and physical safety
A process that unfolds at a pace everyone can sustain
Even when a dialogue happens, it is not a negotiation or a debate. It is a carefully prepared, emotionally supported space where harm — and its ripple effects — can be addressed honestly.
RJ Doesn’t Require
Forgiveness or Reconciliation
One of the most common fears survivors share is:
“Does this mean I have to forgive them?”
No.
You never have to forgive.
You never have to reconcile.
You never have to meet the other person.
You never have to move closer to them in any way.
Some survivors want truth.
Some want acknowledgment.
Some want answers to questions that have lived inside them for years.
Some want to be deeply heard for maybe the first time.
Restorative justice does not prescribe the emotional outcome. It follows what feels right, not what you “should” feel.
RJ Isn’t “Soft on Crime”
It Measures Accountability Differently
Another widespread misunderstanding is that restorative justice lets people “off the hook.” This isn’t true. Restorative justice doesn’t remove accountability — it redefines it.
Punishment measures accountability by consequences.
Restorative justice measures accountability by the capacity of the person who caused harm to meet the needs of the person they hurt.
Meaningful accountability in restorative work often asks far more of a person who caused harm than the legal system ever will:
Telling the truth without minimizing
Facing the person they harmed (if the survivor wants that)
Naming specific impacts
Taking responsibility without deflection
Making concrete commitments
Demonstrating change over time
This is not easy work.
(If you want to explore accountability more deeply, another article in this series goes into this with much more nuance.)
Restorative Justice Doesn’t Require
Being in the Same Room
Because of selective media coverage, many people assume restorative justice always involves a face-to-face meeting. It doesn’t.
Many processes happen entirely through writing, with communication carried by the facilitator. Others involve separate preparation conversations without any direct contact.
And for some survivors, being in the same room is deeply important. There is a power in physical presence:
The ability to read someone’s body language
The capacity to feel sincerity through tone and posture
The human recognition that can arise from simply sharing space
The grounding that comes from following one’s intuitive sense of another person
When survivors choose in-person dialogue, the structure is built to support safety. It’s agreed ahead of time that the person who caused harm will follow the survivor’s lead and will not initiate any physical contact.
All of these options — written, distanced, or in-person — are valid. What matters is that you decide what feels right, and the process is shaped around that.
What Restorative Justice Is:
The Core Elements
With the myths cleared away, here’s what restorative justice tends to involve.
Safety and Trauma-Informed Grounding
Safety is the foundation of everything. We move slowly, check in often, and allow ample time for support.
Much of restorative work happens before any dialogue is considered: grounding, preparation, emotional safety, clarity of goals, and ensuring that every step is voluntary and sustainable.
Emotional and Relational Grounding
This is relational work, not legal work. It attends to emotions, truths, impacts, and the deeper meaning of what happened.
Restorative processes aren’t about “moving past” harm. They’re about meeting it honestly.
Voluntary Participation for Everyone
Restorative processes are voluntary for all participants — survivors, people who caused harm, and any support people involved.
People who caused harm often fear being shamed or punished. Survivors often fear being minimized or overwhelmed.
Voluntary participation allows everyone to stay grounded and engaged. No one is pushed into a space they’re not ready for. This means that if and when a dialogue does take place that it can be an entirely genuine experience, free of coercion.
The Process Is Co-Created:
Guided by Survivor Needs,
Held by Facilitator Wisdom
Restorative processes are co-created. They’re oriented around the North Star goals and needs of the person who was harmed, while also taking into account the needs, capacities, and readiness of the person who caused harm. As facilitators, part of our work is bringing experience, presence, and intuition to help shape the process as it unfolds — not simply following a script or fulfilling requests, but sensing what the moment actually calls for.
If You’re Not Sure or Not Ready
Restorative justice is not for everyone, and that’s okay.
Some people want distance, not dialogue.
Some want the containment of therapy.
Some want the structure of the legal system.
Some aren’t ready, and readiness can’t be forced.
Curiosity is not a commitment.
You’re allowed to explore, pause, shift directions, or step away entirely.
Restorative justice is not a path you have to take — it’s simply an option that may align with the truth of what you need.
If You Want to Keep
Exploring Restorative Justice
If you’re still gathering information — whether you’ve experienced harm, caused harm, or are simply trying to understand this work more clearly — you’re welcome to take your time. Restorative justice often becomes clearer when you learn about the different ways a process can look, and what kinds of needs it can support.
If you want to read more about how I approach this work, you can explore my offerings:
Restorative Dialogues – how processes unfold, what they’re for, and what they can hold
Accountability Coaching – one-on-one support for people taking responsibility for harm
Training & Workshops – offerings for organizations and communities
And if you’d like to keep learning through writing, here are the other articles in this series:
How Restorative Justice Works: A Step-by-Step Overview
Why Survivors Seek Restorative Justice: Needs the Legal System Can’t Meet
What Accountability Can Look Like: Guidance for Survivors Considering Restorative Work
When a Dialogue Isn’t Possible: Alternatives That Still Support Repair
Common Fears People Have About Participating — And How We Address Them
Restorative vs. Transformative Justice: Why the Values Matter More Than the Labels
If at any point you have questions, want to talk something through, or would like help understanding whether a restorative process might fit your situation, you’re welcome to reach out. There’s never any pressure to begin a process — sometimes clarity comes simply from conversation and orientation.